After working in a company for 25 years, I experienced firsthand how the connections we build at work can feel essential, even comforting, as we spend so much time together. However, the reality of these bonds sometimes only becomes clear once you leave. For many of us, the sudden lack of contact with former colleagues can be surprising. It often makes us wonder: were these friendships genuine, or were they simply a part of the work environment?
1. The Shift from Colleagues to Strangers
- When you leave a job, the shared context that bound you to others disappears. A sense of closeness formed through daily interactions and shared experiences at work suddenly fades. The “uniform” of the company is gone, and with it, so are many connections that once felt significant.
- Renowned writer Robin Sharma once said, “The business of business is relationships; the business of life is human connection.” This distinction becomes clearer once we’re no longer part of the business itself. Often, relationships at work remain within the business realm rather than transforming into true, lasting connections in our personal lives.
2. Social Activities: A Necessary Professional Ritual
- Many of us have gone to after-work gatherings, whether it’s a group dinner, drinks, or a round of golf. While enjoyable, these events often carry an unspoken expectation of helping to smooth professional relationships. These interactions aren’t necessarily about personal closeness but about fulfilling social rituals that aid in our professional lives.
- For example, there were times when I’d join colleagues for a drink after a particularly intense week. The camaraderie felt real, but looking back, much of it was a way to stay in harmony with coworkers for smoother collaboration.
3. The “90% Rule” of Workplace Relationships
- A common reality is that once people leave a job, about 90% of their former work contacts fade away. The number itself is surprising but often rings true. Without the shared environment of the office, most people naturally move on, prioritizing other parts of their lives. The once-daily communication becomes sporadic or even non-existent.
- Human relationships expert Dale Carnegie observed that connections built solely on professional benefits can lack the resilience of true friendships. They tend to dissolve as soon as the work bond weakens, showing that work connections are often situational rather than deeply personal.
4. Understanding What Lasts Beyond Work
- It’s common to feel a sense of loss or disappointment after realizing that many work relationships do not carry over. But this experience can also reveal who our true friends are—the ones who stay in touch, who care even when there’s no work reason to connect. Recognizing these genuine relationships helps us invest our time and energy in meaningful bonds beyond the office.
- Developing friendships outside of work can provide a sense of connection and support that is lasting and truly enriching. It reminds us of the importance of creating a personal support system independent of the professional world.
Leaving a workplace can reveal an unexpected reality about the nature of workplace friendships. While work relationships are an important part of our lives, they may not always withstand the test of time outside the office. Genuine friendships are often the ones that don’t rely on shared tasks or obligations. It’s a valuable lesson in focusing on the connections that bring true companionship and understanding.